God tests our hearts to reveal to us what is in them, but just so you know, it’s usually not a good report.
This was especially true about my heart during a 1995 experience. That particular day I had been sitting alone in my apartment, reading a biography about the faith and healing pioneer, John G. Lake. As I turned the pages and read how God continually provided for Lake’s needs, it dawned on me — my life really sucks right now. Where was the God who was supposed to be my provider?
At the time, I owed thousands of dollars to numerous creditors, most of my friends had dropped me like a hot potato, the woman who I thought would be my wife didn’t want to see me and my kitchen cupboard was bare. I was lonely, broke, hungry and angry.
I laid the book down and stood up. “God if You’re such a big God,” I said, “how come You can’t help me with my problems right now? Maybe Your arm is not as strong as it was a hundred years ago. Is that Your problem?”
I sat down, quite satisfied with the way I confronted God. I picked up the book to continue my reading.
Then, all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit burst into the room in His holiness and power. His Presence blanketed me. I dropped the book and fell on my knees. “O Lord, don’t kill me! Don’t kill me! Forgive me! Forgive me! Please don’t kill me!” I said over and over again.
In the midst of my plea bargaining, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. “If I wanted to, I could deliver you from all of your problems in a blink of My eye.”
“O Lord,” I whispered, “I believe You and will never doubt You again.”
The Holy Spirit’s heavy presence lifted off me.
How many are my iniquities and sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin. (Job 13:23)
It was the love of God that showed up in my room that day to reveal my transgression (or rebellion) to me. I still treasure that experience.
(Continued in Part 4…but if you want to read all the parts to death, you can go here.