Category Archives: humor

The Bear

bear_bryant

When the best football coaches are mentioned, Paul William “Bear” Bryant (1913 – 1983) is usually at the top of the list. His coaching status, even today, is considered legendary. 323 college football victories. 6 national championships. 13 Southeastern Conference titles.

But for me, I like his quotes best of all:

The old lessons (work, self-discipline, sacrifice, teamwork, fighting to achieve) aren’t being taught by many people other than football coaches these days. The football coach has a captive audience and can teach these lessons because the communication lines between himself and his players are more wide open than between kids and parents. We better teach these lessons or else the country’s future population will be made up of a majority of crooks, drug addicts, or people on relief.”

It’s not the will to win that matters – everyone has that. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters.”

“It’s not the dog in the fight that counts, it’s the fight in the dog.” (For more, see here.)

And if you’re interested in whether or not he was a Christian, read here.

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Swimming Upstream: “Laughter. Try It!”

Okay, the economy looks bad and jobs are shaky. And maybe our 401’s and our home values are in the toilet. But let me ask, can you still laugh? Because if you can, all is not lost.

A joyful heart is good medicine. But a broken spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Try reading this. And this.

Abraham Lincoln said, “With the fearful strain that is on me day and night, if I did not laugh I should die.”

And lastly, in the words of the noted Jewish philosopher, Allen Stewart Konigsberg aka Woody Allen: “I’m thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out my nose.”

Swimming Upstream appears at this blog site on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It’s  a little of this and a little of that, all written  to encourage and exhort believers in their Christian jouneys.

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Swimming Upstream: “Ignore Obama And Politicians; And Build”

I hate tossing in the towel on America. I just hate it.

Every part of my being wants our nation to fulfill the vision that President Ronald Reagan had concerning it:

“I’ve spoken of the Shining City all my political life. …In my mind it was a tall, proud city built on rocks stronger than oceans, windswept, God-blessed, and teeming with people of all kinds living in harmony and peace; a city with free ports that hummed with commerce and creativity. And if there had to be city walls, the walls had doors and the doors were open to anyone with the will and the heart to get here. That’s how I saw it, and see it still.” (Reagan’s farewell speech.)

But now, I don’t foresee our nation ever returning to these lofty ideals. Instead, I see a blind America with a white cane stumbling down a path, bouncing off obstacles and circumstances, always looking for handouts from Big Brother, always searching for the next stimulus, always hoping that government will have the answers.

This does not mean that I don’t see a time of prosperity arising out of our economic crisis because I do. Time will help.  But the transient prosperity will insure the reelection of President Obama and his cronies who will then continue to mortgage our children’s and grandchildren’s futures and redistribute wealth to their own voting bases. And of course, this cycle will continue on and on.

There are those who will decry that I am a quitter, a sore loser, but actually, I’m not. Like any good Texas Hold’em card player, I know when to fold a losing hand and wait for the next deal. This is one of those moments.

So, I’m going to ignore President Obama and all of the politicians. I won’t listen to Rush, Sean, Michael, Laura or any talk-radio hosts, not because I necessarily disagree with them, but rather, their insights and opinions will cause me to grieve and be angry over where America is going and what we are losing. And I don’t want to spend time wallowing in anger over the should-have-been’s or maybe will-be’s if only we can get our message out. For me, this is a waste of time.

Instead, I plan on building the kingdom of God because I know – positively and absolutely – that this liberal house of cards will fail. Then, America will be looking for the “change that we can believe in.”

And the church needs to be ready.

Swimming Upstream appears at this blog site on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It’s  a little of this and a little of that, all written  to encourage and exhort believers in their Christian jouneys.

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Cannonball Baptism

Mark Twain said, “If you want to be a good writer, be a good plagiarist. And if you want to be a great writer be a great plagiarist.”

So with that in mind, check this story out at Philippa’s Mental Reflection blog. It is a hoot and a must see.

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Are There Any Restrooms in Heaven?

Let’s say that we’re at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Mozart and Beethoven are playing duets on Hamburg Seinway  Concert Grand pianos. Dancers from the Royal Dutch Ballet and other notable troops are performing their step-ball-change routines amid leaps and pirouettes.

The hors D’oeuvres – onion brie en Croutes, Spanokopita, spinach filo and potato puffs (all Kosher) – are tastier than manna and honey. And the wine, Chateau Lafite Rothschild bordeaux is out of this world.

But because wine has always gone through my urinary system much like water through a sieve, I need to go now! Not later. This is an emergency. Then, it dawns on me. I’m in heaven. Are there any restrooms in heaven?

Okay. Okay. In a world filled with hunger, terrorism and economic woes, this may be a bit of trivial tripe. Who really worries whether or not there are restrooms in heaven, right? Well, maybe nobody else worries, but I do. You know, I’m not big on wearing Depend products throughout eternity. It just doesn’t sound very holy to me.

So, does anyone know for sure if there are restrooms in heaven? Or at the very least, porta potties?

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